Some days
i just want to rip my hair out
pack up my things
empty my bank accounts
buy a plane ticket to somewhere i have never been
and live
because that sounds exhilarating

and because when i look around this city
i see nothing
but hopeless people
in bad situations

there are so many drunks
drug addicts
homeless

the bus constantly has a smell of urine
booze
bodies

having to avoid sitting in urine soaked seats
sitting and feeling something touch your foot
only to see it is an empty beer can
the liquid seeping into your shoe is the remains

to the point where i am gagging
and i have been a lot of places
but never in a city so dirty
as the one i live in.

i dont understand
why
i am not prejudice towards the homeless
dont take this that way

i just dont see why
in a country that boasts about self worth
we do nothing
to help ourselves.

somedays i want to rip my fucking hair out

this city is so fucking neglected.

I am

Bursting at the seams
with wishing
anticipating
things that will never come
emotions that have no place
wanting things i cant yet reach
dreams for the future
I am
bursting at the seams

Stick my head out the door
feel the rain on my face
let it wash over me
i miss your face
i feel guilty
i want to write that check
i almost want to get a cold
because then i will have an excuse
to avoid people
to feel safe
the rain pours
if it wasnt so dark i would run in it
i can feel the heat subsiding
thank god
drip drop drip
the soft pitter patter will be my lullaby
soothing the troubled mind

So here it is

REASONS I DONT LIKE THAT IDEA

1. Mardi Gras is in February. It is JULY
2. Louisiana has more to offer than a big Mardi Gras celebration that is really just people vomiting. we could make it gator themed. or just the south, so hip hop, giggin, and watermelon
3. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR WHORE TITS! I have seen them one to many times and i do not need a fucking excuse for you to be more of a slut.
4. I am in denial about the move and that the person i love the most isnt going to be around for over a year and that breaks my fucking heart
so no

i dont think so.

Been here since 8am... alone... with church ladies

WHAT THE FUCK
is the point of being awake this early when there are no kids.

I need to make money
so i can move
and be uncomfortable
and see if it helps

I miss your face.
I miss Brum... WTF?!
Never thought Birmingham would strike such emotion!
The Mailbox, The Bullpen
fabulous

The church ladies here are like all other church ladies
i hear them gossiping
then i pass and they switch to me
"thats beth's daughter, she never comes to services anymore"
thats because i dont need to be part of your cult to believe in god.

I watched you

look at me
lean in
then
turn and stick your tongue down her throat
is this a fucking test?
because im going to fail
oh i am done with you.

"if its any consolation he tasted like beer"
thanks
its not.

"well didnt he kiss you good night?!"
no
because apparently thats not what happens anymore

i cant do this
im done

this is me
moving on

and this is me
letting go
because as of now
after i hit that tiny little post button
i wont give a fuck

i wish this town had public transportation
i dont want to be here all day

Fungi you eat

spores
moss
respiration
biology
is the study of life
i am alive
photosynthesis
no thanks
plants
animals
evolution
biology
I will take that A now please
Thanks.